Island musings

I’ve been away for work since Monday. I work on an island, at a residential camp. A large proportion of the kids we get are from disadvantaged backgrounds – whether that means they’re in out of home care; experiencing behavioural, learning or emotional disorders; in community support programs; or a whole range of other circumstances. It’s a very stressful job which comes with huge responsibilities, reporting back to the Department of Communities. I’m absolutely exhausted at the moment – working sixteen hour days doesn’t agree with me, but I love my job. It rained torrentially from Monday to Thursday, but today was beautiful. Here’s some photos I took this morning.

I love this island. It soothes my soul. All week I’ve been musing, breathing in the salt water and rain, navigating the bush covering the island by moonlight. I’ve been having a hard time relating to people in my life lately. Getting easily frustrated and upset at their actions, finding it difficult to bite my tongue. I know how it is to be disempowered – I spent a long time there. But I’m finding it very hard recently to remember that where people are in their journeys is only a reflection on them. I feel like a horrible person – I should be more sympathetic, I should be kinder, I shouldn’t get upset over the things that I do.

I need to be kinder to myself. I need to reassess what (and who) I can and can’t have in my life if I’m doing what is best for me. I chronically push myself too far, overcommit and give too much of myself to others. I need to remember to look after myself as well, and not emotionally invest so much in others wellbeing.

On a different note, I’m so incredibly lucky to work in such a beautiful place.

3 thoughts on “Island musings

  1. sockdrawersecrets says:

    I would love to visit this island one day, if you can share your bushy hideaway.

    Realising you need to be kinder to yourself & have stronger boundaries is a great point – however all these new plans can be a double-edged sword – if you don’t do it straight away & catch yourself falling into ‘old ways’ it’s easy to get shitty with yourself.

    I don’t know if you’ve thought of these attributes you want to change in positive terms. You’re very kind, incredibly caring and your personality is to value other’s interests and livelihood. This is a wonderful thing – not a curse or negative aspect of you. So you need to wind it in, it doesn’t mean you’ve been doing anything ‘wrong’ so far.

    Having a look at the ‘why’ in a positive light is also part of self-compassion. I always tend towards seeing my ‘flaws’ as a downside, but these attributes are rarely without reason and are often just fabulous. You’re an amazingly kind person & that’s wonderful.

    & if you haven’t read the website on self-compassion, I realllllly urge you to. It helps point out that being self-compassionate sometimes means simply looking at these ‘flaws’ or things you want to change with the view of kindness and non-urgency. As well as ‘so i’m having a shit time, how can I be gentle & kind to myself right now’. It’s the gentle & patient part we often miss *hint*.

    [p.s. http://www.self-compassion.org Do the exercises. Do it!]

    • G says:

      There’s no public access, but someday if I get the chance I’d love to take you there! This whole entry kind of stemmed from what we’ve been talking about lately which has been doing my/our heads in – I can’t keep caring that much, because it’s so incredibly frustrating and upsetting. I’d like to be able to, but it’s not good for me. I had a look at that site before I went away & bookmarked it – I’ve got to write two reports this weekend & study for an exam on Tuesday, but I’ll get back to it soon. You’re pretty awesome. x

      • sockdrawersecrets says:

        the site is pretty awesome – I just quote stuff from it. It’s my daily read [or attempted daily read] at the moment – it’s so easy to set ‘goals’ and plans yet – I at least – rarely remember to be patient with ourselves. That’s my biggest one at the moment. Like… Laura, you did your exercises last night, that doesn’t mean you progress to doing them 4 times today =P

        & seriously – I don’t care how busy you are in the coming weeks we must catch up!!! & you’re just as awesome.

        p.s. As much as I am trying to channel this self-compassion thing, I’m not a new-born guru – I’m just as new to it as you are!

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